It is the spring of 2019, and I am stressed the fuck out. I was sitting at my desk, and suddenly felt a rush of anxiety shoot from the very tips of my toes out through the crown of my skull. It was a sensation that I have never felt before. The feeling was overwhelming and frightening. The rush of anxiety had the ability to take control of my body. In just mere moments, I was standing on top of a four-story building ready to end my own life.
I felt as if I had no control over my body or my mind. I lost all sense of reality. The true essence of my being felt trapped inside of an indestructible barrier.
Where did this barrier come from?
This is a question that I began to ponder. I had no idea why I felt as if I no longer deserved to live.
While standing on the edge of the building, standing at the crossroads of life and death, it dawned on me.
If I have no control of my own body and mind, then who does?
I felt a sense of discovery as to what brought me to this point into my life.
I realized I allowed my ego to grow to such a state that it was powerful enough to take control of me.
This realization put a crack in the indestructible barrier that I would know to represent my ego. I explored the thought further as I stood wavering between the realms of life and death. I began to ask myself:
Who am I?
It was a question that I have neglected for a very long time, but it was a question that allowed me to take a step towards life rather than death.
I took several steps back and stared into the night sky. The sky was clear and full of stars. I can not remember the last time I took the time to look up at the beauty of the night sky and wonder what the universe has in store for me.
Each star representing ancient energy. Energy strong enough to traverse the darkness of the universe to one day be looked upon by my very eyes. Finally, I decided to climb down to the safety of the solid earth as a new man with a new direction to find who I truly am.
Now my question to you is, “Are you allowing your ego to control your life?”.
What is an ego?
Before we dive further into the question of if you are allowing your ego to control your life, let us define the concept of ego.
By definition an ego is the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.
Your ego is your conception of yourself. It is the perceived identity of oneself.
However, you, in the sense of your physical reality, is a process of an energy system. You may use your body to perform menial tasks such as work, do laundry, poop, and other daily action, but these actions do not define your sense of existence.
Now your ego is not an energy system. It is a symbol. It is your concept of “I”. Every thought you have and the identification of those thoughts are the fundamental pieces that begin to shape your identity of self.
How I Allowed My Ego To Take Control
I began to lose my battle against my ego when I allowed my ego’s surface perceptions of life overcome my sense of reality.
I allowed my ego to mistake impermanent for the eternal, the impure for the pure, sorrow for happiness, and the not-Self for the true Self.
As I was standing on the edge of the building, I allowed my ego to make a permanent decision for a temporary situation because I lost sight of my true identity and sense of purpose to the point that I felt worthless and undeserving of life.
My very life in which I have overcome and conquered countless obstacles and adversities was worthless because I felt I had no other direction.
I thought my life was over, but you reading this right here, right now proves that I won the very battle against my own mind to overcome my ego and I am here to tell you how to make the transition from your ego hindering your life to enhancing it.
Taking Control Of Your Ego
I am going to give you three simple truths that will transform your life if you choose to implement these truths into your life.
1. LIFE IS NOT FUCKING EASY
I will say it again so you might have the chance to hear it, as you may be trapped inside of your own ego. LIFE IS NOT FUCKING EASY! Do not try to make it that way. Life is not fair. It never was and it never will be. Once you fall into the trap of thinking that you deserve a happy and fulfilled life without actually trying to manifest it with action then you are falling into the trap of entitlement. You are not the victim. If you reflect on all your shortcomings it is because of you. You have to take full responsibility for your own life. Once you do that, you are taking your step towards escaping your ego.
2. REFLECT ON WHAT MAKE YOU, YOU
I want you to answer these questions.
- Who are you?
- What do you want from your life?
Once you have that answer, write it down on multiple pieces of paper. Next, put each piece of paper everywhere in your home. You must see it every day. These simple pieces of paper will act as your guide to a more fulfilling life.
I know it is hard to ask yourself these two simple questions. You might have no idea what you want for your own life and you are just wondering around aimlessly. If you were like me, you may have no clarity or a true sense of purpose.
To truly gain a sense of who you truly are, you have to separate yourself from the world. You may not have the time to take a week or a month to separate from society, but I am here to tell you that it only takes an hour a day. Just 60 minutes. 3660 seconds. If you take this time to meditate and explore your internal existence rather then your external surroundings just once a day, you will be able to answer the two questions above.
I promise you that an hour a day devoted to finding you will make all the difference. Do not put it off any longer. Do yourself the favor of finding yourself.
3. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE
The most common regret that people have on their deathbed is that they lived their life according to the desires of others, not how they wanted to.
Are you living the life that you want to live or are you living the life that others expect of you? Have you settled into something that you didn’t really want just to fit into the mold set by the world.
If so, I am here to tell you that you owe it to this world to break that mold. You have the responsibility to inspire others to take control of their own lives.
Your life is your message to the world of the capabilities and amount of influence an ordinary man or woman can have on this world.
You have the decision to conform to the standards and expectations of other people. These people may include your parents, your significant other, or any person that has great influence in your life. However, you also have the decision to sit these people down and begin to have to conversation of what you truly want out of life. Once you no longer have their expectations weighing you down, you will finally have the clarity to decide the direction of your life.
Break Down The Indestructible Barrier
You will not have control of your life 100% of the time. You will lose your way. Some days you will feel lost and that is why I am here. I am here to tell you from my own experiences that with the truths that I just gave you, you will be able to break down the indestructible barrier of your ego. You will finally be able to take control of your life and move towards a happier and more fulfilled you.
But what do I know, I’m just a dude.