Insecurities are toxic. They arise and limit you when your dream is knocking on your door. When you walk into a room, you instantaneously begin to compare yourself to every human that you see. Your confidence lowers and your palms start to sweat. You become nervous and begin to fight the urge to leave. Finally, after waning back and forth between your urges to stay and leave, you allow your insecurities to win. You walk out. You were at a job interview, a try-out, a conference, or whatever scenario you want to imagine. You later see a less qualified person in the position that you wanted. You took another set back in the pursuit of your success.
We are defined by our insecurities. Many of us allow our insecurities to become our master. We allow our insecurities to visit us every day. It knocks on our front door, introduces itself, and continues to remind us of our anxieties about ourselves. It is not until you look in the face of insecurity as you open up the door and tell it to fuck off and bother someone else that you improve your life.
However, your insecurities will come back the next day in a fake mustache and an overcoat. You open the door and you have trouble identifying your insecurity. You allow the stranger to talk and it reminds you of your inner anxieties about yourself. You panic. Your palms begin to sweat. Your confidence lowers.
You are stuck in what I like to call an “insecurity loop”. It sucks. It’s destructive. It’s limiting. But it is possible to win. First, you must learn how to identify your insecurity. Next, you must tell your insecurity to fuck off. Finally, you must be able to recognize your insecurity when it comes back the next day. I’m going to break down these three steps so you can take a step forward to a more confident life. Let’s begin.
What Is An Insecurity
Insecurity by definition is uncertainty or anxiety about oneself. It is a little subconscious thought fostered by past experiences that gives you self doubt. Insecurities manifest themselves differently from person to person, but they all have the same result. It causes a general unease that triggers a sense of vulnerability which threatens your ego. Your image of yourself.
Insecurities range from body image to social interactions. Each affecting what you do throughout your day and your life. It is a constant factor unless identified and accepted.
Identify Your Insecurities
I want you to sit in a chair surrounded by silence and to think of all the times you have been insecure. Next, ask yourself, “Why am I insecure in this situation?” Maybe it was a past experience that involved child abuse, neglect, violence, that bitch Tammy who told you you’re fat. Whatever it was focus on it. Be conscious of how the insecurity makes you feel. Does your body get hot? Or start to shake? Do you feel uncomfortable?
This is the first step. Now focus on the sensations overwhelming you right now. Next, ask yourself these to questions, “Why do I feel this way? Why does it matter?”
The answers to these questions determine your next course of action. Let’s use the situation with Tammy.
Question: “Why do I feel this way?”
Answer: She made me aware that recently I have been putting on weight because I have been working extra hours so I haven’t had time to hit the gym.
Question: “Why does it matter?” (Be honest with yourself)
Answer: Because now I know I am fat. And since I have noticeably gained weight, Brenda won’t want to go out with me.
There we go. Now we found your insecurity. We have identified what your insecurity is and why you feel this type of way about your insecurity. So next, we are going to learn how to tell this insecurity to fuck off.
Telling Your Insecurity To Fuck Off
This is a very important step. This requires you to really analyze why your insecurity matters to you. As you sit in that chair overwhelmed by the emotion, I want you to ask yourself one defining question. “Seriously, does it really matter? Honestly, does her opinion really matter? “
Question: “Seriously, does it really matter?”
Answer: Well…. no. I know I’m a good guy and if Brenda won’t go out with me because I gained a little weight then she isn’t for me.
Now we are making some progress. You define the image of you. Yes, the opinion of Tammy hurt, but you control the overall determination of how you see yourself. You must accept yourself. Comparing yourself to a standard idea is what is making you insecure. Battle your insecurity with confidence. You must consciously decide to be the person and do what you do that defines you. You must be committed to honestly answer the above questions to unlock the possibility of finding your purest self. It is hard, but it takes practice. To tell insecurity to fuck off, you must accept who you are and say it with confidence.
Breaking The Insecurity Loop
It’s the next day. You are high on the confidence of your victory the day prior. You hear a knocking at your door, and you are face to face with a stranger. You look the stranger up and down. The stranger has a mustache that belongs back on Hulk Hogan and the same overcoat the recently arrested pedophile had had on the news earlier this morning.
You begin to feel a bit uneasy. Before you even open your mouth, the stranger says, “Hi, my name is Insecurity, and I just wanted to remind you that Tammy said you are fat.” You feel a surge of anxiety overwhelm your new found confidence. You slam the door and put your back against it.
You thought you dealt with the problem, but you were dead wrong. You forgot that insecurities will always arise. It may be old or it may be new. Insecurities constantly adapt so that it can visit you every day to set you back. To win, you must adapt. You must be able to anticipate and identify every insecurity, old or new, and ask yourself the previous questions. You must not give insecurity a second to speak as you open the door. Every single day, you must open the door with confidence because you know you will encounter insecurity today. The instant insecurity arises and knocks at your door, you must act. Anticipated confidence is the key to breaking the insecurity loop.
We all have negative emotions and negative feeling, but you must decide and protect what you allow in you. You must choose what emotions you nurture and not give your insecurities space to poison your life. I have had a shit ton of insecurities in my life. I let the opinions of my peers and my family affect the self-image I had for myself. Instead of envisioning my self of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to be for the future, I only saw the small, black kid with a quiet voice and stutter who couldn’t find his own self-identity to be his own person. I was so insecure about who I was I told lie after lie to my friends and family so that I could feel the sense of acceptance when in reality the only verification of acceptance you need comes from you. You matter. You have an opinion. You have a future. You are your own master. You must remember these things about yourself to conquer your insecurities and take a step towards what truly matters. YOU.
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